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50 Funny Motivational Quotes

Funny motivational quotes are great food for thought wrapped in hilarious little bite size chunks. These hand selected top 50 motivational quotes come from a huge range of sources including literary masters, scientific geniuses, political leaders, actors, comedians as well as several amazing quotes from anonymous authors.

So browse at your leisure, and hopefully you will take away at least a couple great sayings, and perhaps a slighly new outlook from these funny motivational quotes.

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen

“You do not lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership.” – Dwight Eisenhower

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.” – Anonymous

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” – Harry S. Truman

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Timothy Leary

“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” – Ambrose Bierce

“Start off every day with a smile and get it over with.” – W. C. Fields

“There are three sorts of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t.” – Anonymous

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.” – Oscar Wilde

“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Unknown

“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.” – Woody Allen

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.” – Hedy Lamarr

“Be obscure clearly.” – E. B. White

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.”- Robert Frost

“The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.” – Barney Stinson

“If we don’t change the direction we are going, we are likely to end up where we are heading.” – Chinese Proverb

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Unknown

“Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.” – Oprah Winfrey

“Income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.” – Will Rogers

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.” – Woody Allen

“Success comes in cans, failure in can’ts.” – Unknown

“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” – Peter F. Drucker

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

“The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.” – Anonymous

“Get the facts first. You can distort them later.” – Mark Twain

“The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.” – Paul Fix

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain

“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

“Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

“Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.” – Will Rogers

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.” – Anonymous

“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.” – Walter Kerr

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner

“Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.” – Unknown

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.” – Albert Einstein

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

“Don’t underestimate your abilities, that’s your boss’s job.” – Anonymous

“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” – Anonymous

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov

“Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.” – Anonymous

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” – W. C. Fields

“The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.” – Bette Midler


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